Dead People Don’t Have Feelings

Hey everyone!! It’s been a while since we’ve spoken. I anticipated that I would write more articles during this fast, but I haven’t—and I’m not mad about it, because Jesus wasn’t posting in the wilderness. He was praying.

My flesh has been crucified in so many ways. As a mother of four boys—two under two—and a wife to a well-respected man in the adult entertainment music industry, I am constantly being tested… and passing with flying colors.

Still, there are times I lose my cool. But I never veer too far from the character of Christ, so I didn’t think much of it.

Well, actually, I just lied. I think about it daily. I critique myself often…. all day. I only pray and fast because I know that something is very wrong about that… even though people keep trying to tell me it’s okay. I preach living a crucified life.

Jesus did not end up on the cross by happenstance. He denied His flesh all the way there. We often say that we’re not perfect and use that as an excuse for actions that would have excluded Jesus from the cross. We don’t act out of character because we’re imperfect; we act out of character because we aren’t crucified in that area.

Yesterday, something happened that proved it to me. My grandmother just turned 85—happy birthday to her! I couldn’t really help much with setting up decorations for her party. I was fully dressed and already swamped with responsibilities. When asked to help, I said no.

Later that evening, that cousin told me she was disappointed in me.

I was irritated—ready to go off on her, I might add. I didn’t go off at all, but I explained the situation so she could understand why I wasn’t able to help and told her she was being unreasonable. She gave me a piece of her mind, and I gave her a piece of mine, when I should’ve given her peace of mind.

She was working hard, and as I was walking up to her, I was actually thinking about telling her how great of a job she had done—and was doing. But when she made that comment, I felt irritated and responded from that place rather than from the spirit of gentleness and kindness I thought I was in.

I wasn’t as crucified as I thought I was. My flesh wasn’t as dead as I believed. I didn’t curse. I didn’t yell. That’s not why I was wrong. I was wrong because I was offended.

It’s okay to feel—but the Word says that love is not irritable. That means no one should be able to irritate me. That doesn’t mean my spirit can’t be troubled—Jesus experienced trouble in His spirit.

When we are troubled in the spirit, there is a perfect way to respond: love. Imagine if I had not been led by my emotions, and my only response to my cousin’s disappointment had been to recognize her hard work and go on about my business, unashamed and unoffended.

If I had been in the Spirit, that’s exactly how I would’ve responded.

I do not excuse my behavior simply because it didn’t cross any clear lines into sin. I don’t care that “we’re not perfect.” I pray every day that I will operate in holiness and maturity.

The Lord told me that I pray, fast, and read the Word not to look good—but to respond like Him in times of testing. And I did not. He said if I had been in His presence, He wouldn’t have had to tell me that. He wasn’t saying I don’t pray enough, I just wasn’t doing it in the right heart posture. But I thank God for opening my eyes— because Lord knows I want to get it right.

Now that this has happened, I have a new prayer. I pray that I will stay focused on God, that my mind will continue to be elevated and yielded to what He has called me to do and that I will not let my emotions bring me down.

I can let go of anything in the world, but I need to hold on to Christ so that when I am tempted, my first instinct will not be sin, but love. Because when you fill yourself with the Spirit, that’s all that will come out.

We can’t say we’ve been crucified with Christ if we constantly disqualify ourselves from the cross. We cannot say we are crucified with Christ but still be led by our emotions—not even sometimes. Not even a little bit.

Dead people don’t have feelings.